quick thought

I'm pretty sure no one reads this, so. . .

I just created a profile on OK Cupid, a free online dating type of site. And after doing a little to give the computer something base some matches on, I can a cross a profile of a girl that seemed pretty cool. But then I realized that once she read my profile, there is no way she would be remotely interested. That isn't to say that if I would have met her in a bar she would have ran away immediately (because I think I actually have one, and maybe even two, girls fooled - I mean interested - at the moment). But if an awesome girl walked up and asked me what I thought of Vijay, I would tell her not to waste her time.

Time for bed :)

It is what it is

Does anyone reading this have any idea that what you are doing with your life is what you should be doing? Or even if you don't know for sure, do you at least have a peace about it? And even if you do have a peace about it, does that peace stick around for more than a day or two? If you gave a negative answer to any of those questions than your name is probably Vijay Bangalore.

It seems like once every three to four days I feel that I am on the right track. I didn't feel on the rigt track with AXA. Then I quit and felt on the right track. I got this canvassing job and kinda felt on the right track. I got the hair modeling gig, which felt like taking a break from any track. Although it did give me one more area to which I could expend effort and possibly pay the bills. Then CS had a gig than went pretty horribly, so I didn't feel on the right track (well, more like CS wasn't on the right track). Then I went back to canvassing and felt on the right track. Then, one day took a nap, only to be woken up by a friend on the phone venting about how pissed off he/she was at me (and mostly, i think, over the canvassing job). Needless to say I don't exactly feel on the right track.

I tried to talk to this person about it, but that hasn't really succeeded yet. Oh, and this person thought I wasn't home when venting to their friend. And we haven't really spoke too much since (not at all today).


and hour (at least) later,

well we talked, and we are good.

I think that life is basically horrible. If life is easy, than you are probably a bad person. And if life is hard, well you're probably still a bad person, but at least trying to pull your share.

I wonder how much disappointment you can take before you can't take any more.

And statistically speaking, it doesn't seem that everything can go wrong. Right?

And the part I hate most about applying for jobs, is that you have to create some sort of profile or account on EVERY companies website to apply. You spen endless hours entering the same information into screens that all look the same. You lose sight of why you are doing it in the first place. Although I think that that happens with everything; loosing sight of why you do it in the first place. I couldn't tell you why I am doing anything that I am doing right now, other than perhaps trying to get by. Which is nothing your hat on.

I feel that life over punishes and under rewards. I have made some bad decisions in my time (one huge one in particular), and I am punished every day for it. Yet I feel that none of my efforts since then have been in the least bit rewarded, or perhaps even acknowledged by the fates.

I suppose that this is enough for now. I would want to leave my self no bad things to blog about next time (although I think that life is shitty enough that I could talk about it forever).

So I will say good night.
and God Bless Us, Everyone (cuz we need it!)